L o S T
Saturday, April 19, 2003
"dis sux.. first impressions i guess do come along ways.. buh they shuldn't. i mean no one is perfect. n ppls have to see that.. we can be near perfect buh not perfect exactly. if sumone interested in yah.. they shuld see more to u den ur flaws.. dere is more tah a person den u see.. u cant juss judge somone in one dai.. yah.. it sorta says sumting.. buh not da kinna person u really are. for da record.. i have flaws jus lyke everyone else. buh i also have great attributes bout myself.. so yah.. if u readin dis.. yano who u r.. juss tink bout it"
~Vince Pingul
I hear you Vince...preach on brotha....
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Stream of Conciousness:
The Aftermath
I ruined the relationship by rushing too quickly, got too serious and turned her off. It is painful because i regret my mistakes and i have felt the consequences of them are dire and the loss is great.
I can rationalize that my tendency to make a small thing wild and explosive is making this ordeal a bigger event than it is.
Also Thug life, no regrets, live life as it comes.
Whenever i am solitary these worries of mine gang up on me and my problems engulf me like a raging fire
I am lost and confused but maybe i am focusing too much on the problem rather than the aftermath
Whatever has happened has happened no big regrets...
The loss outside of my head, in the reality of the world, is not that great. It is like finding a hundred dollar bill on the street and losing it later, before u get to spend it but after you had already made plans on how to spend that money.
It gave brief security and happiness for a while, but losing the money shouldnt be at all painful because you never really had it to begin with.
It is like losing nothing.
Thug life...whatever happens happens never go back to the past; no regrets; forge ahead. Live in the present
Learn to let things go, dont dwell
See things for what they are, not what you percieve them to be
Pain is inevitable; suffering isnt; especially prolonged suffering
Thug life...patience
Growing up
As kids we are helpless against the world but hope lies in the advancement of our age in the idea that the more we learn, the more we know, and the less vulnerable we are...
I had hope in gowing older, fear and doubt has caused me to believe otherwise...
I have grown in the past years, though i have had a lot of experiences, i am still vulnerable...i still get hurt, i am still reduced to being a child.
I fear this trend. I fear growing up yet still haveing th vulnerablity of a child. What is the use of growing old...I pity the adults with problems like mines
It shatters the hope i have in my future
What is the use of what i have learned? What was all my past pain and suffering for? Only to suffer more? Life is full of suffering. Sometimes the suffering is too great...
What is happiness...all my life i guess i have been struggling to overcome vulnerabilities and that in itself is a losing battle.
What is happiness...i have completely forgone this trait to build upon...no experiences to attain this key emotion.
Sometimes feeling happy is too much for meeh, maybe i should research the possiblities or triggering happiness rather than preventing suffering.
Thinking that i think too much is essentially creating that problem in itself.
I don't think too much, i think enough and that is fine.
